Oh, I'm so
glad it was helpful, littlewife. There is particular information that was a real *comfort* to me personally, that I'm concerned might actually seem hurtful, from another grieving mom's point of view? In the beginning, an offer for counsel offended me - a nurse friend asked if I had considered joining a miscarriage 'group' for a while? That terribly offended me! (As IF I couldn't 'handle' it?) But later, I understood - she knew the road ahead would be a struggle. It didn't all 'hit' me at one time.
I remember it was raining and our dc were at grandma's the day dh took me for the ultrasound I kept begging for. He took time off work, and bought the video camera. But when we got to the office, he decided to leave the camera, in the car....I remember thinking, he knows deep down also, this child will not make it. This won't be a happy time to video tape.
Later at home, having been told the little one within me would never grow larger or be born, I put on dh's big leather coat, and just walked the neighborhood in the grey rain. My husbands warm, heavy coat, and God's grey, soft rain, were a comfort to me.
As the days passed, I remember feeling broken, submitted, and not in a frame of mind to argue with God. He gives, He takes away - blessed is HIS
is my God and Redeemer: He gets to call the shots. But, in the midst of His total authority and control of the details of my life....He is a compassionate and loving Father. I am the treasure of His eye, whom He gave ALL for, and spared not a thing to redeem. He knows the pain of loosing a grown child.
...His only son.
All this was just so comforting to my broken spirit, and slowly restored me. Submitting to HIS control, restores me, refreshes and resurrects me.
I also wondered 'why' (of course) He chose not to allow me to birth this little one, and bring him or her to my breast to nourish? Why did He refuse to let me see that precious little face?
In His mercy, I believe He was sparing me far greater pain...but that is just my own personal conviction, for that particular child. We knew from the ultrasound that something was terribly wrong and the baby did not develop normally.
I had hoped to raise and introduce that new little soul to Jesus Christ one day...but as it turns out, my child already knows Him intimately, and will have the pleasure of introducing *me* to my Saviour and Lord God - face to face.I pray my thoughts are helpful and not at all more hurtful, to any reader.
Also, especially helpful, was understanding that a miscarriage (in my midwife's view) is a healthy body's reaction to a problem pregnancy. I felt God was gracious in choosing to take our little one home in the timing He selected.
Reading this was such an encouragement. Sometimes its SO hard to keep that in mind. Thank you!